


you'll be my resolution

by zeppelin (transgenicveins)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Amnesia, Future Fic, Getting Together, M/M, Pining, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 11:42:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6283147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transgenicveins/pseuds/zeppelin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And so it went, until last night in the caves of Yavin 8 Finn was knocked unconscious, and no one thought anything of it until he woke up with— </p>
<p>“Amnesia,” Poe clarifies bluntly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>(or the one where Finn gets amnesia and he feels distinctly like he's on the outside of a joke.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	you'll be my resolution

Finn opens his eyes, feels his bare chest pressed against a firm mattress and looks up at the fluorescent white lights. His first thought is _ouch—_

Then _Rey—?_

And then, _wow_ , because _Poe Dameron_ is sitting at his bedside, both of his calloused hands wrapped around Finn’s right so his thumbs rest on Finn’s lifeline. When Finn inhales quick at the pressure, Poe smiles at him like everything has fallen into place.

“Hey sleepyhead,” he says, folding over until they’re eye to eye, until Finn can make out each of his eyelashes.

Nullicaine always burns off quick in Finn’s body and that fog of waking up is clearing and it’s all coming back, the Starkiller and Han and white snow and blue light and—

“Buddy,” Poe whispers, and squeezes Finn’s hands two times rapid quick like a heartbeat. Like he knew it would calm him down. “It’s over. We’re all home.”

He takes a deep breath. Poe smells like the earth and motor oil this close. “What about Rey?” he asks and Poe opens his mouth to reply but he ploughs through. “How long was I out?”

Poe glances down at their hands intertwined. “Rey was here the whole time,” he says softly. “Training the new recruits with Skywalker—”

“ _Luke Skywalker_? _”_ Finn repeats, trying to push up but his back _burns_. “But the map—”

Poe glances over his shoulder at one of the med droids and bites his lip. “Are you feeling okay?” he asks. “You hit your head pretty hard.”

Finn doesn’t feel sick, he just feels _off_ , like there’s something missing, like there’s wool over his eyes. “It doesn’t hurt. But my _back_ —“

“Finn,” Poe soothes. His thumb strokes all the way across Finn’s palm. “Your back is alright. They scanned it the moment we got back. You’ll be back in the cockpit within a week.”

“The cockpit?” he asks, and it sounds like an argument if only for the way he gets defensive when he’s scared, and right now, he’s terrified of how little he remembers. He remembers the unbearable heat of the lightsabre, the wild look in Ren’s eyes and Rey, _Rey_ , unconscious in the snow and thinking _you could give up_. And then whatever comes next is on the tip of his tongue. “I don’t understand. Ren’s lightsabre—”

With that, the med droid whirs in and jabs him with a bacta. Poe’s smile slips right off his face, and the look he gives Finn devastates him. “Oh darling,” he whispers, and Finn falls asleep before he can think about the nickname.

 

+

 

It’s dark outside when he wakes up again. He’s on his back, and the weight of his whole body somehow helps with the pain. His head feels full of all the things he doesn’t know, but when he opens his eyes he sees Rey curled up in the armchair next to the bed, and he feels calmer at the sight.

“That’s me,” Rey admits, like she knows what he’s thinking, and maybe she does. She reaches out to grab his forearm, which feels familiar except for the way he can’t ever remember her doing it. “We thought it might help.”

Finn grins lazily at her. Whatever Force magic she’s working has him on cloud nine and tastes like fresh water on the back of his throat. “I’m glad to see you."

She squeezes his arm a little tighter and keeps the pressure. “I’m happy to see you too,” she says softly. “The doctors said – they said you’d be fine, but—”

Finn nods and she ploughs through, no finesse, just like that first day in the Millennium Falcon. “There’s something wrong with your memory,” she explains. “So they’re coming in to talk. I’ll be right here. And Poe is outside pacing this whole damn block.”

He thinks of all the ways this feels familiar. It reminds him of—

“It feels like reconditioning,” he admits. He doesn’t know what he’s told Rey about the First Order but she grips him tight enough to ache. Finn is dizzy off all the physical contact. “Like I can _feel_ what’s missing and it’s just out of reach.”

Rey looks at him. This close, he can see her freckles; the new lines next to her eyes from laughing. The doctors walk in before she can reply.

 

+

 

It’s like this – seven months ago, Kylo Ren’s lightsabre fractured seven of his vertebrae. Finn woke up three weeks later with brand new hardware holding him upright and recovered better than anyone thought, so well that he can now outrun anyone else in the Resistance, can beat Rey in a duel every fifteenth time, can climb the tallest tree on D’Qar and meditate in the branches. He’s happy here, he’s strong here, and the med droids say it like they know that’s important to him. And so it went, until last night in the caves of Yavin 8 he was knocked unconscious, and no one thought anything of it until he woke up with—

“ _Amnesia_ ,” Poe clarifies bluntly as he escorts Finn out of medbay with a hand on the small of his back. Finn feels hyperaware, like Poe’s palm is burning a brand into his skin, like every brush of his hip against Finn’s is enough spark to start a fire. And then, softer— “Do you remember me?”

“I could never forget you,” Finn replies, a bit more seriously than he means to, but Poe throws his head back and laughs so it’s worth it. “I remember—”

(Finn doesn’t remember much, but he remembers this – Poe on his knees and still not backing down from a fight, a crooked smile and _I can fly anything_ , the way his mouth formed _Finn_ that very first time, his roar of a laugh in the TIE and he remembers Poe. Poe. _Poe_.)

“The Starkiller,” he finishes lamely.

There’s a hundred things he wants to ask Poe, about him and the Resistance and those seven months and whatever that fond look Poe keeps giving him means. Instead, he chooses, “what do I do here?”

Poe grins at him and Finn will never, ever tire of seeing it. “You did intelligence, for a while,” he says. “You trained spies. They used to stalk you around base. Now, you’re a pilot and a soldier. We built a two seated X wing for you to parachute out of to lead the troops. You’re a nuisance.”

“Do I fly with you?”

The hand on his back flexes. “Nah,” Poe mumbles, like he’s embarrassed. “You’re with Levak. He was the first soldier you recruited. I’m still your favourite, though.”

“I don’t doubt it,” he murmurs.

Poe stops abruptly and for a second, Finn panics that he’s said something wrong. Except Poe is just fiddling with a scanner. “This is our room,” he says, and Finn thinks _ours, ours, ours_ and doesn’t know what to do with that. Poe turns towards him, reaches out with his free hand to flip up the collar of his jacket, of _Poe’s_ jacket. “You coming inside, hotshot?”

This close, Finn can’t help it, he glances down at Poe’s pink lips and back up rapid quick. And yeah, Finn thought Poe was attractive before, thought his hair was luscious and that his smile knocked his socks off and had hands that could take Finn apart, but that’s nothing compared to all of those things, centimetres away, with how Poe looks at him like there’s a lot he’s missing.

Poe guides him inside, walking backwards so they stay close. Finn steals another look at his lips and when he glances up, Poe is watching him with this amused look on his face.

He looks away and half of the room is bare. Of the two double beds, one of them is stripped down. All of the holovids are blank and two flight suits are thrown haphazardly on floor near the bed with two pillows, two layers of blankets.

Poe catches him staring at the stripped bed and swallows thickly, steps away. “You should shower,” he suggests. “You, ah, like showering in the evening now.”

Finn grins at him and ignores the gnawing feeling he’s on the outside of a joke. The bathroom is neat and _theirs_ and when he gets in, the temperature is hotter than any water he ever felt in the barracks. He keeps glancing at the matching towels hanging over the rail, with _Finn_ and _Poe_ embroidered into the corner in a way that feels intimate.

There is only one set of soap and shampoo. It smells like Poe.

When he’s dry, he walks into their room with his towel wrapped loose around his hips. The second bed is made tidily with a stretched out t-shirt and fresh pair of boxers lying on top. Poe sheepishly turns away with a grin while Finn pulls on the underwear, opts out of the shirt.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” Poe says, and Finn doesn’t know what to say so he just smiles with pink cheeks. It’s the right response, since Poe just laughs and tucks himself into bed, rolled onto his side to watch Finn.

He climbs under the sheet and subconsciously, like it’s second nature, reaches out into the space between them. Poe’s eyes widen but he stretches out his hand and warm, calloused fingers brush against his and interlock.

“Maybe you’ll wake up and remember everything,” Poe whispers, and Finn feels warmth stretch down his spine. “But even if you don’t, you’re safe here and I have your back no matter what.”

The bed feels unfamiliar beneath him and when Poe reluctantly lets go of his hand, Finn shivers at the loss. “Goodnight Poe.”

“Goodnight Finn.”

 

+

 

Finn sleeps and doesn’t remember anything new when he wakes up alone in a bright room. There’s a steaming cup of strong caf on his bedside table and a note reading _In the hanger with our darlings, love Poe xx_ . He can’t quite help the grin that stains his lips as he pulls on a too tight t-shirt and trousers and walks through the corridors to the hanger.

Poe’s bent over the hood of his X wing with his flight suit rolled down and knotted around his waist. He has motor grease all over him – over his shoulder, across one cheek, in his hair to slick it back. When he turns around and sees Finn, he beams and Finn’s throat feels drier than it did on Jakku.

“I saw your message,” he says, the only thing he can think of with how hard his heart is beating in his chest. “And I thought—”

And Poe runs over, collides with Finn and wraps his arms tight around Finn’s shoulders. He presses his lips to Finn’s ear and it’s like every damaged nerve in his body has wired to that spot when he says happily, “you remember.”

Finn curls around Poe tentatively. Poe hugs with his whole body, sweet and close and like he’s settling in for the winter, and Finn loves it, he _loves it_. “I don’t,” he admits, somewhere in the vicinity of the crook of Poe’s shoulder. “I just – I don’t know how I got here.”

Poe grips him a little tighter. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “They said you might remember things which are more innate first.”

They stay close for a moment or five, until Finn pulls back and gets caught up looking into Poe’s eyes. He pushes down the urge to—

Well.

“Oi, lovebirds!” Someone shouts from one of the aircraft and Poe takes a step back before turning towards the man. “And Poe! Stop hogging my main man.”

Finn blushes, even when he’s not sure why. The man is tall with beautiful skin that looks like chrome in the low light, and he’s looking intently at Finn.

“Poe told me about your accident,” he says. Poe sighs deeply beside him. “I’m Levak. We’re co-pilots. You’re amazing with a cannon, now.”

“You’ve always been a natural gunner,” Poe corrects, so earnest it hurts, and now, Finn knows exactly why he’s blushing.

Levak regards them warily. “Anyway, I was thinking we could go up in our girl – we call her the Z-wing – and see if that sparks your memory? I heard familiar environments can help.”

Poe reaches out and rests his hand on the space between Finn’s shoulder blades. “I’ll take him,” he says. Finn feels warm all over. “It’s better for him to be with people he recognises.”

Levak grins and looks like he wants to comment as Poe guides Finn to the Z-wing. It’s beautiful and lightweight with two seats and four proton cannons and Finn might just be in love.

“Rey and I made it for you,” Poe explains, and Finn touches the shields reverently. “It’s only been done for a few weeks but you’re _incredible_ in it. You’re the best cannon shooter in the squad, including me. Even in the parachute, you take down more Stormtroopers than most soldiers in their whole lives.”

“And Levak?” Finn asks as they hoist themselves into the cockpit. Poe sits in the gunner’s chair and when Finn props on one of the armrests, the whole length of their bodies touch. “What’s your deal with him?”

“Levak is a great pilot,” Poe says shortly and fiddles with the control panel. Finn follows the sequence with his fingertips and feels the engine grumble under his feet. “I just – I wanted you to be a pilot so badly. You got a perfect score on the tests and—”

Poe swallows thickly. “And I lost a lot of friends on Starkiller, and with you – it’s so easy with you. I trust that you have my back. And I put that before what you wanted. So maybe I resent him a little for not being you.”

Finn looks at him and Poe is staring intently at his lips. He licks them, maybe on purpose. Poe’s eyes snap up to his and Finn has goosebumps all over. “What are you thinking?” Finn whispers.

Somewhere in the hanger, a wrench drops, and Poe grins as the moment breaks. “I think we should go flying,” he says, and reaches out, presses the engine boost, and the Z-wing whirs around them.

“ _Now?!”_

“You’ve got this, buddy,” Poe chuckles, and Finn definitely _does not have it, buddy_ as he frantically jabs at the control panel. “Just grab the yoke.”

Finn groans and grips the yoke. “ _Poe—“_

Poe places his rough hands right over Finn’s, so their calluses line up, so Finn needs to follow the momentum straight into Poe’s lap to stay upright. Here, with Poe’s body bracketing him like a parenthesis, Finn feels brave, like he could do anything, _anything_. And that includes pulling up sharply with the yoke so they launch right into the sky.

The sound of Poe’s raucous laugh tastes like ice in Finn’s mouth. He follows the pressure of Poe’s hands to slight left, so they’re circling over D’Qar. Below them, the base looks like an island in an ocean of trees and Finn feels weightless. Like he’s a part of the clouds.

Poe pauses his narration of the world below and settles his hands on Finn’s hips. “I’ve always loved flying with you,” he whispers, hot against the skin behind Finn’s ear. “Sometimes, when we can’t sleep, we fly out together. I wish you remembered everywhere I’ve taken you.”

Finn settles back against Poe’s chest. “Tell me about it?”

Strong arms wrap around his waist to hold him tight. “I took you to Yavin 4,” he says, and Finn swoops the aircraft low to graze over the treetops. “That’s my old home. It has this gigantic temple and you said you could have never imagined something like that. And whenever we have the time, we fly out to Corellia for the Gold Beaches. We go swimming and afterwards, you always want to—”

Poe coughs. “ _Anyway_ ,” he exhales, bumping his fingers over Finn’s hip. “You’ll remember it soon.”

Finn twists around. He could drown in the look Poe is giving him. “Then I can’t wait to catch up.”

After he’s relearnt the controls, Finn thinks _I have your back_ and adds, “what if I don’t remember?”

Poe’s stubble tickles at the back of Finn’s neck. “Then we’ll make a whole lifetime of new memories together,” he mumbles, and leaves his lips against Finn’s spine for the rest of the flight.

 

+

 

(Halfway through the landing, with Poe’s hands folded firmly over Finn’s – _this one time you crash landed, buddy, right into the lake and oh man we_ never _let you live it down –_ Finn looks down and deliberately spreads his fingers wide. Poe immediately interlaces his fingers in the space between, doesn’t even pause in his description of their most recent raid on a First Order base.

And—

_Huh_.)

 

+

 

That night, there’s a bonfire down by the lake. Finn’s whole body feels lit up with the memory of Poe’s breath on the back of his neck.

A group of new recruits drag Poe away so Finn finds Rey and sits down with the whole Red Squadron. He doesn’t remember any of them but he’s not nervous and there’s this feeling in the bottom of his stomach that tells him he’s comfortable here.

He’s drinking something bright pink and sweet. Poe keeps looking at him from across the fire with this soft smile and Finn _wants_ a lot of things and at the top of the list is Poe holding his hand again.

Rey catches him staring and jabs him _hard_ in the ribs. “You’re daydreaming, Finn,” she laughs, and he flushes hot and looks back down at his drink. “What’s on your mind?”

He fiddles with the muddled fruit in the glass. “Poe.”

Jess and Rey share a look and the thing is, Finn isn’t dumb. He was first in his class in the First Order, he’s quick on his feet, and he’s at least 90% certain him and Poe are together. And now all he can think about is kissing Poe, tugging on his hair to tilt his neck up, catching up on these forty-eight hours without touching.

“Is that so?” Rey prods, folding her hands together like she’s negotiating with the enemy. She’s grinning manically in a way that reminds Finn of flying sideways over Jakku.

“Yeah,” Finn sighs, putting it on but only a little bit. “He’s – attractive, isn’t he?”

Jess laughs, flicking back her long hair so it thwacks someone passing by in the face. “This is brand new information,” she says seriously. “We have never heard this from you before.”

“What is it this time?” Rey teases. “His smile?”

Jess’ glass is mostly empty so she slurs a little when she adds, “his roguish good looks?”

Finn scowls. “Are you two messing with me?”

Rey’s smile turns genuine. “No, Finn,” she promises, wrapping her fingers around his wrist. “It’s just—”

“This will make a lot more sense when you remember,” Jess says firmly. “In the meantime, just enjoy the beginning all over again.”

He groans. “I would rather skip to the middle.”

“Patience you must have,” Rey says gravely, and Finn rolls his eyes. “In the meantime – tell Poe, you must.”

Tanned arms wrap around his waist and haul him up and when he turns, Poe – a little tipsy with a too-bright smile – bumps his jaw against Finn’s neck. “Tell me what?” he asks and Finn concentrates on the feeling of Poe’s breath against his skin.

Finn leans back to rest his head on Poe’s shoulder. “That Rey’s Jedi voice is the worst,” he lies, and Poe just steals the glass from Finn’s hands and raises it to his lips.

 

+

 

And so it goes, for a whole week until Finn’s invited down to a soldier’s dinner, finds out he’s a _captain_ and gets drunk out of his mind. Two of his men – who spent all night reintroducing him and told all his stories with more bravado than Finn’s ever managed – guide him home and prop him up against the doorframe of his room.

“Yo Poe!” One of them – Klai – yells. She’s about half Finn’s size but she beat everyone in the room in an arm wrestle. “We’ve returned your man!”

Finn grins goofily at the both of them. “Why do you all call me that?”

“Oh Cap’n,” Klai laughs. “You are going to be _livid_ with us when you remember.”

He opens his mouth to ask but Poe opens the door in just his boxers and Finn’s throat goes bone dry.

“Darling,” Poe laughs. He reaches out and Finn stumbles right into his arms. “Are you drunk?”

Finn needs to squint to make out Poe’s face but it’s worth it, it’s _so worth it_ to see Poe’s glorified five o’clock shadow and the way his pupils are blown wide. “ _Drunk_ drunk,” he clarifies. The room is too bright and there’s something soft and melancholy playing in the background. “Were you waiting up for me?”

Poe smiles and from here, it’s dazzling. “I couldn’t sleep without you.”

His shoulders are wider than Poe’s so his jacket has never fit perfectly, but Finn loves the way it stretches when he tries to wrap his arms all the way around Poe’s waist. He shucks it off and places it carefully on the edge of his bedframe, rips off his shirt while he’s at it, too.

When he can see again, Poe is watching him fondly, still close enough that Finn can smell his dumb fruity shampoo and his last cup of caf. He thinks, _I want to taste._

Instead, he looks away and spies the radio propped against the window. “What’s the song?” he asks. There wasn’t any music in the First Order, except for the parades – but then again, there wasn’t much of anything, really.

“It doesn’t really have a name,” Poe says softly. Finn wraps an arm around his shoulders, only to keep his balance. “It’s the song my parents danced to at their wedding.”

Finn impulsively steals one of Poe’s hands and starts swaying gently to the music. Suddenly, he’s sober and too aware of his clumsy feet. “I’ve never danced before,” he admits.

Poe grins and uses a hand on Finn’s back to guide him closer. “You have,” he corrects and takes the lead. Finn can’t stop looking at his chapped lips. “When Skywalker came home, we threw a huge three day party. You and I danced all night.”

They spin slowly around the room until the song plays out and Poe sings the next track under his breath. Finn wants to tell him how much he loves the sound, but he doesn’t want to ruin the moment, either.

“You’re a better dancer than you used to be,” Poe comments, and Finn smiles helplessly.

Finn’s fingers are splayed as wide as they can, so he can touch as much of Poe as possible. “That’s not saying much.”

“I don’t know,” Poe whispers. “I’m a pretty big fan of the practise.”

Poe leads them in small circles and tucks his face into the crook of Finn’s neck. Finn could stay there forever.

 

+

 

He doesn’t. Instead, he wakes up in bed in the middle of the night with little recollection of how he got there, and instinctively rolls over to look at Poe. Poe sleeps on his stomach with the sheets tucked neatly around his hips, and his mouth wide open so that Finn can creep over in the middle of the night to check he’s still breathing.

He watches Poe absently, the way he does with most of his free time, now. Without hesitating, because he’s sick of tracing around the truth and waiting to get the whole picture, he gets out of bed and crawls in next to Poe.

Poe’s eyes flicker open and when he sees Finn, he wriggles closer and smiles beatifically up at him. And it’s not quite an answer, but Finn feels like home, here, so he settles back down and falls asleep.

 

+

 

The whole planet has a rose tint when he wakes up and he blinks _hard_ at the sight of Poe sprawled out on his stomach, _naked_ , watching Finn with warm eyes.

“Good,” he moans, reaching back with – fuck, _slick_ fingers to play with his hole. “I was waiting for you.”

Poe cants his hips up and Finn looks at his cock, hard and pink with precome making the head shine and Finn feels like he’s burning up, so he shucks out of his sweatpants even though he has _no idea what is happening_.

“ _Poe,_ ” he chokes out, already hard and squirming with want and Poe winks at him.

“Think about this later, hotshot,” he says, spreading his legs a little wider, wide enough for Finn to rest between. His hair is a mess across his forehead and Finn impulsively pushes it back, tugs to expose the line of Poe’s throat.

“Can I?” he asks, and he doesn’t know what he’s asking but he thinks, _kiss you, please let me kiss you_.

Poe laughs. “You can do whatever you want, Finn,” he promises, and Finn ducks in to kiss the hollow of his throat. It tastes like motor oil and cinnamon.

Finn loosely wraps a hand around his cock and kisses Poe’s collarbone, between his shoulder blades, halfway down his spine until Finn settles between his legs. From here, he can see that Poe’s only got his first knuckle inside himself, pulsing gently but not enough, so Finn taps away his hand and twists his finger all the way in.

“ _Yes_ ,” Poe groans softly, thrusting back against Finn until he presses _down_ and Poe’s whole body shakes. “You always were a fast learner.”

Finn watches, for a while, adds another finger and kisses absently at the perineum just for the way Poe moans his name. Finn’s grinding into the bed to relieve the pressure on his cock and he can’t help but think of that first night, when his bed was stripped, and wonders, _then too?_

“Come on,” Poe groans, and the sound of him licking his lips drives Finn mad. His hips tilt up and Finn’s fingers slip in deeper. “Fuck me. I know you’ll make it so good for me.”

Finn slowly pulls his fingers out and drives them back in. He leans down, so he’s as close to Poe as he can get, so his lips brush against his fingers when he speaks. “How do you want it?”

Poe exhales shakily. “Hard,” he whispers. Finn’s spare hand sneaks up to the small of his back to hold him down, reach his prostate. “As hard as you can.”

On impulse, he slides his fingers out and flutters his tongue right over Poe’s rim. “Reckon you can take me?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Poe groans and Finn grins against his skin, flattens his tongue and prods in gently. “Please, Finn—”

Finn uses his hands to spread apart Poe’s cheeks and pushes his tongue inside once, twice, just like a heartbeat. He loses the rhythm, too hard and lightheaded with want and the feeling of Poe shaking under his hands.

“Buddy,” Poe moans and Finn slides in a finger to reward the nickname. The mattress under them is hot and the sheets feel smooth against his skin and he can’t stop thinking of his cock inside Poe. “Please baby, _Please—”_

Finn pulls his finger out quickly and wriggles up to blanket Poe with his whole body. His cock nudges against Poe’s hole and slides down to rub at his perineum. Under his hands, Poe’s skin looks like gold.

“What do you want?” Finn asks desperately, panting at the nape of his neck. He risks a kiss.

Poe’s eyes are blown wide when he looks at him. “ _You_ ,” he groans, grasping one of Finn’s hands like a vice as Finn reaches down to press the head of his cock against Poe’s hole, and

_And—_

+

 

Finn wakes up with a jolt. Outside, the sky is a shocking bright blue. The spot beside him is empty and Finn _feels_ his pupils constrict, how hard his cock is, pressed persistently against the waistband of his sweatpants.

He’s sitting up and overthinking the whole situation as BB-8 rolls in, beeping in dialect at Poe. Poe looks like something out of Finn’s dreams – like out of _his dream_ – with his hair flopping over his forehead, in a sweater that shows off his collarbones. He’s carrying two mugs of caf and sits right by Finn’s hips as BB-8 glances down at his crotch and whirs judgingly. Finn discreetly wraps his sheets a little tighter around his waist. 

“Good morning,” Poe drawls. This close, Finn can’t even cover up how overwhelmed he feels. “Don’t worry about last night, er – it’s something we do sometimes. Normally. So it must just be left over instinct.”

And he won’t meet Finn’s eyes, and he’s blushing a little bit, and Finn was _fucking right_ about them. So he steals the mugs and sets them on the bedside table and declares bravely, “I remembered something. Just then, when I woke up.”

It’s not quite the truth, or maybe it is, but that uncertainty is well worth the look Poe gives him, like the world has fallen into place right in Finn’s eyes. “Finn!” he exclaims, reaching down blindly to grasp his hand. “That’s so great! I knew you would—”

Three things happen in rapid quick succession: first, Finn reaches out with hands that have only ever broken things before, wraps them around Poe’s neck and kisses him. Poe’s lips are soft, taste like sugar and spice and Poe groans, reaching up to clutch at Finn’s chest like some kind of damsel, like this is the end of a movie.

Except Poe uses the hand on Finn’s chest to push him away. “Finn,” he says, and Finn feels like everything is in slow motion. “What are you—?”

A loud bang right by barracks interrupts him and it’s like all the blood in his body rushes to his head, and all of the sudden he remembers. He remembers waking up alone after Starkiller and relearning how to walk with Poe by his side and seeing Rey for the first time in a month and helping her channel the Force in the forest and moving into Poe’s room just to stop the nightmares and talking all night and falling in love and brushing off everyone’s teasing and thinking _what if, what if, what if_ —

And that’s where it ends. Because he _isn’t in a relationship with Poe_.

His hands feel like they’re burning Poe’s skin so he rips them away. It feels like Poe wants to say something, but there’s another blast, closer, it feels like, and then they’re both leaping off the bed into action. Finn’s got half of his flight suit on and Poe’s chants his name, over and over.

“C’mon, Finn,” he says desperately, which only makes Finn think of _fuck me_. His cheeks are permanently red. “Can we just – you don’t have clearance, you need to stay, _I need you to—_ ”

He shrugs the suit over his shoulders, studiously facing the door. “I honestly remember everything now,” he admits, all in one breath. Poe’s fingers graze over his shoulder and he takes a big step away. “So er – let’s not talk about it. Catch you on the flip.”

Poe laughs, kind of hysterically, and Finn makes it to the other side of the door before losing his mind.

 

+

 

He babbles at General Organa for a full five minutes about the colossal disaster his life has become and how _yes I am very certain I remember correctly_ and _yes it_ was _that bad_ before she gives him clearance.

Levak gives him a strange look when he climbs into the Z-wing but doesn’t say a word, just secures the roof and powers up the engine, and that’s why Finn loves him. Poe jogs past towards his X-wing and Finn sinks as low into his seat as he can.

After they take off, Poe’s voice crackles over the intercom. “It’s Phasma’s squadron.”

“ _Phasma_?!” Finn repeats incredulously and Levak coughs in that coy way he does when he’s trying to not laugh. “You didn’t – she’s meant to be in the Outer Rim!”

Three months ago, after all that radio silence from the First Order, Phasma and the Stormtroopers under her command were expelled to the edge of the universe. Finn sometimes gets the sickly sweet feeling that it’s his fault.

“She was spotted entering the Ileenium system yesterday,” Poe explains. And then, softer, “Finn, please don’t—”

Finn reaches out and shuts off the comm line out. Quietly, they can hear the rest of the pilots planning the attack. “So I kissed Poe.”

Levak pulls up sharply, tilting left, the way he always does. “What?!” he exclaims, falling into line with the rest of the pilots.

Finn’s used to Levak showing off and manages to lock onto a target even as they sharply change direction. There’s about twenty TIEs in the sky and only four of them, but they have Poe, and a blinded Ewok could win a war with Poe on their side. “Everyone kept calling me _his man_. And – the towels! We had monogramed towels! And everyone kept laughing at me!”

Levak gives him this deeply pitying look. Finn considers just ejecting himself just to escape this whole day.

The battle whirs by. Every so often, Finn catches sight of the black X-wing and feels as weightless as he did on Takodana watching Poe save him.

There’s only one TIE left – Phasma’s – and Finn is halfway through thinking about how well the battle has gone when red fire bursts from the engine of Poe’s aircraft and takes it into the forest.

Finn scrambles for the comm line. “Black leader?” he shouts, and he thinks of red dirt, of Jakku and wearing Poe’s jacket for weeks. “Poe?”

It’s dead silent for a moment and Finn grasps at his controls. Beside him, Levak silently follows Phasma across the lake, around his meditation tree, into the depths of the forest. The tilt of the aircraft to bypass the trees is dizzying and Finn feels like he did in the Stormtrooper helmet, like he can’t _breathe_ —

“Finn,” Poe groans, like he does first thing in the morning. “I’m fine – get Phasma, _get her—_ ”

Finn whoops and prepares his cannons. Beside him, Levak is singing a song under his breath, twisting through the trees like a dance until finally, _finally_ , they reach the cliff edge and Phasma turns around, so Finn can see the look in her eyes as he secures fire.

 

+

 

He doesn’t get the tarmac reunion he’s thought about a thousand times after a hundred different missions. Instead, Poe is pulled away by the ear by General Organa, and Finn disappears back into the forest.

Rey finds him an hour later, because of course she does, she is the witness to all of Finn’s most embarrassing moments, including walking away from his best friend on Takodana, being taken down in front of Luke Skywalker, and crying when General Organa recounted the story of her and Han at his funeral.

She props herself up on the blunt treetop and from here, they can see to the horizon of D’Qar. The sky is a fuzzy pink where it meets the sea.

“I can’t believe you used the Force to find me,” he jokes and Rey laughs with her whole body, so much that Finn grabs her hand just in case she falls.

“That’s not how the Force works,” she chides, and rests her head on his shoulder. “Now why are you sulking up here?”

“I kissed Poe,” he grumbles, and she makes a noise that sounds a lot like _tell me more, tell me more_. “I just was so convinced we were together and it was all I could think about, and I had this _dream_ and it felt right.”

Rey grips his hand tight. “Oh Finn.”

“I _know_ ,” he groans, trying to bury his face in her hair. “And the worst part is that I wouldn’t even take it back. And I _still_ want to kiss him.”

Rey hums into his shoulder and Finn has always been a little in love with her, but even more so now, when she’s so much more mature than her nineteen years; when she puts everyone else to shame after living in solitary for her whole life.

“Do you ever think about your housewarming?” she offers, like she’s asking the universe, too.

The sky’s a clear lilac above them. Finn’s never grown accustomed to having an atmosphere. “Not often.”

“It’s just—” she begins, and cuts herself off. “He’s been gone for you since then, Finn. Everyone knows it.”

Finn’s tongue feels heavy in his throat with all the things he wants to say, but most of all it’s a chorus of _I don’t, I don’t know about that._

“Poe talked about you a lot while we built the Z-wing,” she mentions, and Finn hums as nonchalantly as he can with his heart in his throat. “He gushed about how brave and strong you were in your recovery, and told me the story of you two stealing the TIE fighter about a billion times. And he asked questions, too –about how we met and what you liked, and whether you wore the jacket without him around. And then he asked if we were a couple.”

Finn swallows thickly. “He’s never asked me that.”

“Is that what really matters?” Rey asks, and watches the sunset with a serene expression on her face that tells Finn that everything will be okay, in the end.

 

+

 

(The base at D’Qar is different from anything Finn has seen before. The air tastes like saltwater from the lake and the ceiling of the mess hall has the Millennium Falcon painted on it and there’s music _everywhere,_ like it seeps out of the walls.

And Poe’s room – _their_ room, now – is Finn’s favourite in the whole Ileenium system. There’s thirty different star charts taped up to show the whole galaxy and Poe spends their first few days together hunting the base for belongings for Finn: knitted jumpers, a worn old compass, silk sheets from Coruscant that are the softest thing he’s ever felt.

Poe throws a housewarming – a _Finnwarming_ , he calls it, with that barrel of a laugh that Finn wants on repeat – a week into their stay together. The pilots settle into a circle on the floor, Rey and BB-8 are chatting away on his bed, and General Organa and Luke Skywalker bring by a stalk of peace flower.

Finn flits between the groups, enjoying Rey’s easy affection and the way the pilots all grin at him, even when he reminds them he was a Stormtrooper.

“As if we could forget,” Snap laughs, one arm looped around Poe’s shoulders. Poe’s cheeks are a little pink and the dark shadows under his eyes disappear when he smiles. “Poe’s only told us about a million times.”

“And there he was,” Jess booms dramatically and Poe buries his face in Snap’s shoulder but his eyes are glued on Finn. “I’ve never seen a Stormtrooper without his helmet on—”

“He was beautiful,” Kare continues. “And took out two cannons with his first shot—”

“And I searched for him for days, only to find him on our tarmac—”

“With BB-8—”

And they all chorus, “In my jacket!”

“Alright,” Poe interrupts, standing abruptly. “This is all of the mortification I can take for one night. Clear out, losers.”

The pilots howl with laughter as they leave their room. Rey brushes her hand against Finn’s on the way past, presses how happy she is into his skin.

When it’s only him and Poe left, with BB-8 whirring onto his charge pad, he takes a look at the pile of gifts on Poe’s bed. There’s a stack of books from every genre from Rey, matching _Finn & Poe_ monogrammed towels, a holovid of him and Poe from Luke’s party, pressed against each other.

And he’s always found Poe attractive, knows his body at a glance like it’s his own after hours of study, but now that he _knows_ Poe – knows what he looks like first in the morning, has heard him talk with his dad, has seen the reverent way he toys with the X-wing and the way he laughs at all of Finn’s jokes, even when they’re shit – he’s pretty sure he loves him, too.

“Sorry about them,” Poe mumbles, crossing the room to wrap his arms tight around Finn’s neck. “I really did talk about you that much, too.”

Finn grins, smothers it into Poe’s shoulder. “I’m a pretty big deal,” he teases softly, and Poe pulls away so Finn can see his smile.

Poe squeezes his arms. “You are.”

Later, Poe’s restless in the bed next to him.

“Nightmares?” Finn asks, and when he opens his eyes, Poe is staring right back at him.

“About Ren,” Poe murmurs and Finn thinks _calm, calm_ and tries to exude it like Rey. “He entered my mind. I can still feel what he took.”

D’Qar is pitch black at night, all the stars too distant to brighten the sky, so Finn can only make out a few details of Poe: the cut of his jaw, the curve of his waist, the width of his shoulders. Finn aches to touch.

“You feel pretty complete to me,” Finn admits. “You definitely have it more together than I ever will.”

“Finn,” Poe whispers, and Finn loves the sound of his name on that tongue. “Finn, please—”

Finn gently climbs into bed next to him and all the tension seeps out of Poe once their sides are pressed together.

“You’re incredible, Finn,” Poe mumbles, like he’s on the edge of sleep, like he can’t even imagine needing to be on guard around a Stormtrooper. “The two of us can complete each other, if you’d like.”

They sleep through the night and Finn wakes up with Poe latched onto his back and doesn’t feel any pain.)

 

+

 

Their room is pitch black when Finn walks in. Poe casts a devastating shadow from where he’s leaning against their desk. Finn’s throat feels dry with how much he still wants him.

“Poe,” he groans, well aware of how wrecked he sounds. “Poe, I’m _sorry—_ ”

Poe crosses the room in quick strides, backing Finn against the door with hands bracketing his hips and stopping just short of contact. He’s eyeing Finn’s lips the way he has a thousand times before, but there’s something different in the air, now, and it tastes like sap. “Can I?”

Finn nods furiously, scrambling at the collar of Poe’s shirt. “Yes, _yes always—”_

And Poe kisses him, and it’s a thousand times better than Finn could have ever imagined, better than his dream and better than their three seconds this morning and Finn moans, slips his tongue to taste the inside of Poe’s lip.

“I was so convinced we were together,” he pants, between kisses, as if he can spare the oxygen just to tell him. “It _felt_ like we were together.”

Poe nods furiously, which makes it hard to kiss him but Finn tries valiantly anyway. Poe’s fingers leave his hips tug insistently at the buttons of his shirt. “I’ve been gone for you forever,” Poe admits, kissing a trail down his neck, over every new inch of skin he reveals as he rips open the buttons. He pauses at the waistband of Finn’s sweatpants to get on his knees, licking over the crease of his hipbone. “Pushing you away this morning was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

Finn’s head hits the door with a thunk as he shrugs off his shirt. Poe makes a desperate noise of approval and sneaks a hand under the waistband to palm at his ass. “Then _why did you—”_

The whole planet could burn up and it wouldn’t compare to how _hot_ Poe looks, staring up at Finn with that reverent look in his eyes. “Because I _named you_ , Finn,” he groans, shoving down Finn’s pants to run his hands up the inside of his thighs, stopping just short of his crotch, thumbs grazing over his balls. “I got you off the Starkiller and you’ve been staying with me all year and I’m all you know, _I saved you—_ ”

Finn tangles both hands in Poe’s hair and it’s as soft as it looks in the moonlight. “I saved _you_ , buddy,” he corrects, and Poe’s laugh brushes over his cock like a promise. “And I know what I want, and I want you.”

Fingers still against his thighs and Poe licks his lips, removes one hand to palm at his crotch. “How do you want me?”

Finn swallows, reaches down to thumb at Poe’s lips, open up his pretty mouth. “Riding me.”

The smile Poe gives him, wicked and happy and fond, is Finn’s favourite yet. Poe stumbles to his feet and strips off efficiently between kisses, pushing Finn backwards towards his bed with strong hands on his hips.

They fall onto the mattress in a heap and Poe doesn’t stop kissing him. A jar of lube is digging into the crest of his shoulder and Poe pants into his mouth as Finn toys with the lid, slicks up his fingers.

He manhandles Poe until they’re both on their sides, with one of Poe’s legs wrapped high around his hips and reaches down to stroke his hole.

Poe’s whole body shivers and Finn runs his free hand down his back, draws little crosses on his spine as he presses his finger in.

“I want to rim you so bad,” Finn confesses, and Poe wraps his arms tight around Finn’s shoulders to grind back onto his finger.

Poe moans into his neck and thrusts against the jut of his hip. “Later,” he promises, and Finn rewards him with a second finger, just for the way he gasps. “I’m good Finn, c’mon—”

Precome is leaking insistently from Finn’s cock and he brushes it away with his fingers, presses it to Poe’s lips, instead. “I dreamt about this,” he admits, and Poe hollows his cheeks, sucks his fingers like he’s trying to give Finn a heart attack. There’s not enough leverage and he wants _deeper_ , wants Poe to feel it from the inside out so he pulls out his fingers and drags Poe on top of him. “Except you were on your stomach, so I could press my cock into you nice and easy—”

“Then _do it_ ,” Poe groans, moving onto his knees and reaching between them to grasp Finn’s cock and sinks down in one smooth motion.

The heat around the base of his cock is almost too much, like Finn’s heart is about to stop with how good it feels. Finn thrusts up tentatively and grazes against his prostate.

“ _Oh_ ,” Poe moans, uses one hand on Finn’s chest as leverage to ride him, and Finn wraps one of his hands tight around Poe’s cock and twists up. “Darling—”

“You feel so good,” Finn says, and he feels dumb for saying it but it’s the only thing on his mind, that and _Poe, Poe, Poe_. He can’t look away from Poe, the tension in his abs and the way he throws his head back with every thrust to show Finn the delicate column of his neck.

Poe shifts to grasp Finn’s spare hand and folds over so they can brush their lips together, and he’s sighing in Finn’s mouth and chanting his name and when Finn grinds up, Poe comes all over his chest.

“ _Buddy_ ,” he laughs, and Finn wants to chastise him for using that during sex but it’s so endearing that he just kisses him instead, thrusts deep and pulses inside him.

 

+

 

Afterwards, when they’re sitting out on the tarmac watching the sun rise over the treetops, Poe kisses his shoulder once, twice, three times lucky and mumbles, “I love you. And I will spend the rest of my life trying to give you everything you deserve.”

Finn’s cheeks ache from smiling all night but he musters up another, just for Poe. “I _deserve_ a blow job,” he teases, and Poe laughs, loud and raucous. And then, softer, feeling as if he’s as complete as he’ll ever manage, he adds: “And I love you too.”


End file.
